20 In 5 -- Vol. II -- Plucky Adventure

We've all had days like this.

Here’s what happened: I plucked my eyebrow and the Wainscott Building blew up.


Okay, I see you need a little more detail. I plucked my eyebrow, the collie peed the priest and then the Wainscott Building blew up. Or down.


I don’t think I’m telling this right… I woke up Tuesday morning with a headache because I’d barely slept the night before. I had an interview for a really great job at Henson Associates and I’d spent almost four hours trying on different outfits and hating each one. Some made me look like a country girl straight off the farm, others like a cheap slut and still others like a dried-up old prune. The stores were closed and I didn’t have any money anyway, so I finally gave up and went to bed. To not sleep.


I got up late, panicked, threw something decent on (where was it last night?) and merged into rush-hour traffic. I was putting on my makeup while using the carpool lane when I noticed two things: My eyebrows looked horrible. And a police car was coming up behind me.


Quick lane change, another sharp swerve and I hit the East Avenue exit just ahead of a huge truck with a very loud horn. I drifted to the traffic light while rummaging in my purse for the really neat tweezers Misty gave me when she worked at Nordstrom’s. Twisting the rear-view mirror, I hastily plucked a few stray hairs and was just about to square off the left eyebrow when that huge horn went off again. 


Startled, I yanked the wrong hair and ruined the line. I said something Mom would drag me to church for and slammed the pedal down…and went right through a wooden barrier that said “Blast Zone.” Between the wood flying, the horn blaring, my eyebrow ruined and my nifty tweezers falling between the seats, I lost control of the car and plowed into another barrier. More wood, more horns, some guys running around waving their arms while wearing cute orange helmets and my eyebrow hurt and then I slammed on the brakes just before hitting a fence.


Talk about crazy! My left eyebrow looked like a lightning bolt and my right eyebrow was an abstract of the Amazon Jungle! Some beer-bellied guy yelled at me until I realized he was asking me if I was okay and that I had to get out of there pronto. I pointed to my left eyebrow and he yelled something into a walkie-talkie (do they call them that anymore?) and the next thing I know, an ambulance races up and two guys (one of them a drop-dead hunk) pull me out of the car, load me on a stretcher, shove me into the ambulance and take off…


…Only to stop within a few seconds and the guys start checking me out. Medically, I mean, although the hunk could have gotten a little—closer—you know? I put up with that for a minute, then I sit up, tell them my car’s in a Blast Zone and rush out of the ambulance…to see my car being driven past me by the beer-bellied guy, all crushed up against the steering wheel. (I told myself it would need wiping down for sure.)


That’s when I noticed a bunch of people staring at me and a collie barking madly as a priest walked over to where I was. I heard the word “Suicide” from the crowd and I wondered who’d be stupid enough to kill themselves in a Blast Zone. The priest was talking to me quietly and pointing at the cross on my necklace and then I noticed he was asking me what was causing me such pain. I pointed at my left eyebrow and his eyes went dark as he said “Tumor?”


Huh? I guess I lost it at that point, what with looking like a freak and about to be late for my interview, so I let out a screech that was half-frustration and half “whatthehell?” and that’s when I saw the collie jump off its leash, run over, sniff the priest’s shoes, lift his leg and pee on them as a siren blared and then—WHOOM!—the Wainscott Building blew up and collapsed into this really dusty heap. One decent outfit shot to hell.


I missed my interview, had to fill out a dozen police forms, explain to Mom why a priest was calling her and now I’m dating the ambulance guy. Not the hunk; the other one. The hunk was a real jerk, you know?

Announcing January 2012 Edition of "20 in 5"


Please buy the next installment of our monthly ebook "20 in 5;" available directly from Smashwords in a variety of e-book formats.  "Plucky Adventure" is there along with 19 other flash fiction stories. Brought to you directly by Mis Tribus.